Masks
by Feste the Fool
Summary: Just remember, Susan the Gentle, that the most beautiful and dangerous mask is the one you leave on when the masquerade is over. A biography of Susan Pevensie, written in ficlets, starting after LWW. COMPLETE
1. The Last Dance of Narnia

**This is my first Chronicles of Narnia fic. The idea just kind of came to me and I had to write it down. This will probably be five or six drabbles long.  
Disclaimer: Not my place, I just lurk here.  
Rating: K, maybe K+  
Summary: Ever since she first left Narnia, Susan's life has been nothing but a series of masks, of "costume changes," if you will. How does she truly feel about that? Does she ever find Narnia again?**

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Susan released the finger of her current dancing partner, turning the simple spin into an elaborate whirling step. The other dancers parted as their Gentle queen lost herself in joy and elation, spinning onto the balcony. She ended her little solo dance and touched her fingers lightly to the stone cold balcony railing, laughing for the pure delight of having something to laugh about.

It was Christmas Eve in Narnia. She was twenty-seven.

Sighing a little, she slid her arms down the railing until her head rested in her hands. Her mask was itchy, but she didn't care. She and her best friend Primplefeather, a blue jay with a bright disposition and quick temper, had worked for weeks to make sure both masks were just right for the Christmas Eve masquerade. Susan couldn't help but feeling that the hard work wouldn't mean as much if she acknowledged that the mask was uncomfortable.

There was a breeze blowing in from the snow, setting a slight chill in the air. She hardly felt it, so caught up was she in her joy. She gazed out on clean, white landscape, feeling as if she could go on staring forever. The heavy, muted sound of padded paw prints drifted closer, and out of the corner of her eye Susan saw the great Lion himself rear up on his back legs and rest on the balcony railing just as she was doing. "Oh, Aslan," she murmured happily.

"What are you thinking about, Daughter?" said the husky, enchanting voice of the Lion.

"Narnia," Susan answered dreamily. "Isn't she beautiful? I love her more than I can say, and I am proud to serve her."

Aslan gave a small sigh that she was sure did not result from laughter or joy. "That is a beautiful mask you are wearing."

"Thank you," she said, brimming with pride. "Primplefeather and I made it together. It is lovely. Even more so because Prim let me use her molted feathers."

"Indeed," said the Lion. "Just remember, Susan the Gentle, that the most beautiful and dangerous mask is the one you'll leave on when the masquerade is over."

She bit her lip trying to puzzle out his words. "What do you mean, Aslan?" she asked, turning towards him only to find he was gone. "Aslan?" There was no answer.

That very spring, not more than three months later, the Kings and Queens of Narnia rode after the White Stag.


	2. Things to Hold On To

**For Disclaimer and Information, see Chapter One.**

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When they returned to England, there were a lot of things they had to readapt too. The culture, traditions, expectations, proper behavior, even their ages all had to be relearned. And while it is easy to learn to be an adult, it is difficult—near impossible—to learn to be a child again. These children had it the worst. They were given back their child's hearts, but allowed to keep their adult minds.

Peter was confused when they first returned. What had changed? Why were they back? Why were they not given a choice or a warning? Then he would remember: they were given those things: the choice to venture past the lamppost, the warning of memory. He became angry. Why had they gone back? Had Narnia simply disposed of them when they were no longer needed? Peter did not stay angry long. He had sisters and a brother to be strong for. And a memory: Aslan swore they would come back. He clung to that memory for all he was worth, worried if he ever let go he'd be lost forever. He didn't have to worry. Peter had _promise._

Edmund's cycle of acceptance was harder, jumping from confusion to guilt. Guilt and the belief that his betrayal had been forgiven, but not forgotten, and that Narnia had waited until he was least expecting it, waited until he had _only just_ forgiven himself, to spit him back out again. That old guilt, resurfacing, and combined with the guilt that this time his siblings were suffering with him. How often the first few weeks had he prayed to leave him there, strike him dead, if only so Peter and Susan and Lucy could return to the life they had as royalty! He had only moved on when Lucy saw him in tears. No one had been able to console him until the Professor had taken him into his office and given him a firm talking to. Edmund never repeated what was said and never spoke of the incident again. His guilt was over, and he had a gut instinct that his "exile" was only temporary. His gut instincts were legendary bordering on prophecy in Narnia, and to be trusted beyond doubt. Just as he trusted in Aslan. Edmund had his _trust._

Lucy had always known they could not stay in Narnia. It was her private sorrow, and it made her relish the smaller moments even more. She threw herself into Narnia in a way that none of the others did; when she laughed, she laughed loud and with all her heart; when she cried, all floodgates were torn down. There were no reservations; she kept nothing back for herself. When they left, there was a brief, overwhelming pain in her chest as if she had been torn out of herself, followed by a dull ache, then nothing. She had left her heart in Cair Paravel, and she knew it was waiting there for her to pick up again. Just as there had been no doubt in her mind that they would leave, she knew they would return. Lucy had _faith._

But Susan had nothing.

Susan was too old for Narnia from the beginning, too old and too world-wary. Her heart was not as young as Lucy's nor as open. She had seen more of the world than Peter had through the books she was always reading. When she returned throught the wardrobe, her first thought was that of joy. Joy to be able to live in the world she'd almost forgotten for a while, joy to see the mother she couldn't remember any longer. She only wanted a day or two in England, a chance to tie up loose ends. She was confused and a little worried when they didn't immediately return to the country she now considered home. She clung to the same hope and promise Peter did for a time. But as the days rolled into weeks and the weeks into months, a new feeling crept into her mind._ Betrayal. _

Susan knew betrayal quite initmately. They were old friends. When her father had kissed her on the head and swore to her that nothing would divide them, he lied. He betrayed her when he left to fight. Her mother had promised they would be safe, and had betrayed them by sending them to a foreign place they knew nothing about, a place where anything could-and did-happen. Even Edmund had betrayed her in the worst way possible, and although she had forgiven him in her heart, her mind would not let it go. Susan read about betrayal in her books and heard it on the radio. Her childish dreams had been shattered in ways that Peter's, older though he was, had not. She had never believed Aslan would betray them. But she wasn't an adult anymore. What could she possibly understand of Aslan?


	3. On the Return to Narnia

**See the first story for content information and disclaimer.**

Susan cried when they felt the pull that day at the train station. They were silent, quick tears that she made sure no one else noticed. When they arrived on the island that Cair Paravel had become, she was quick to scrub her face in the sea before turning to look right at the others. She did not want them to know her weakness.

When they heard the story of Caspian and Narnia's fall, she only half paid attention. She was too lost in Narnia to do more. The sights, the smells, the sounds-even muted, they all told of Narnia and Susan's own foolishness. How dare she believe Narnia hated her, betrayed her! How could she when her beloved home loved her back?

Despite this knowledge, she would not-no, could not-be rid of the feeling of mistrust. Every tree became something to fear, another lamppost to avoid. Every rock could have been a waiting place for another pull that would send them all flying back to the train station. Narnia was her home, but she could not be at peace there. Not after before. She snapped at her siblings, and refused to believe in Aslan's coming again. Why should He come when He turned them away the first time? She later felt guilty, yes, but she couldn't shake the pragmatism that had come with betrayal. She had been bitten once. She would not blindly throw herself head first into the love of Narnia again.

It was only when she met after Peter defeated Miraz that the uneasiness left. Her land was her home again, the enemy vanquished, peace returned. She smiled and laughed aloud in relief. She could love again. She could live again. Or so she thought.

**Don't forget to review!**


	4. In Exile

**For disclaimer and information, see story 1**

There are no words more agonizing than being told _you cannot come home_.

Susan was devastated after her and Peter's talk with Aslan that final morning after the battle. It wasn't right. This was all wrong. The betrayal she'd buried just a few hours before arose with a new vengeance, and she hid her face from her older brother. Peter was struggling with his own emotions and did not need her adding to his burden. Aslan spoke of many things, yes; of growing up and growing old, of living in the past and fighting with the present, of accepting the future and choosing a fate for oneself. The only words she heard were _you can never return to Narnia. You cannot go home. _

"You may go now, children," said Aslan gently, sending them away. Even Aslan does not love us now, thought Susan, just as the great Lion added, "I love you still, and always will, and you must never think otherwise. Everything happens for a reason, children, and you shall see the reason soon enough. Remember, Peter. Stand by your Magnificence." The Lion turned to Susan with something akin to sadness in his eyes. "And remember..."

He paused, forcing both siblings to look at him straight out. Peter expected him to go on to tell his sister to always be gentle. He was very much surprised when Aslan smiled at Susan. "The masquerade is over, Queen Susan, and there will never be another." And still, all she heard was _you cannot go home. You cannot go home._

Boarding school was a misery after their return to England. Susan oftentimes felt she could hardly breathe but to scream for want of Narnia. Ever the words sounded in her ears, _you cannot return_. She began to despise herself, and growing up. It was getting older that had cast her away from Narnia, and Susan didn't want any part of it, if she could help it. She quickly decided that that couldn't be it, as growing up happened to everyone, and Lucy and Edmund had not been exiled. She and Peter must have done something wrong, something unforgivable. She felt dirty, and no matter how often she bathed, she still felt stained.

Lucy and Edmund were acutely aware that Peter and Susan needed their comfort and strength, but in school there was no way to give it. Lucy was especially frustrated, as Susan began to distance herself from her in favor of her "little friends," as Lucy called them. Susan hated spending time with those mindless girls, and never spoke when she was with them. She couldn't bring herself to look her sister in the eye.

When holidays came and the Pevensies returned home, their mother kept watch on them, noting the vast difference in the children that went to school and the children who returned. It was Susan, however, who witnessed the tears. Lucy came to Edmund's room to wait for her older siblings. Peter snuck in a short time later, casting nervous, heartbroken glances at his mother's door. Susan watched from the shadows, her heart in her throat and her mind filled with anger and regret. She knew how she'd find them the next morning, grouped together on Edmund's bed, finding solace in each other's presence and comfort in each other's tears. They'd done it often enough, those midnight talks, with all four of them, after the first return to England. This time, Susan wouldn't join them.

She _couldn't_, and she didn't see how Peter could. Didn't he see? Aslan chose them. They were the pure ones, they were still in favor! They were full of goodness and light, while she and Peter were soiled with age and knowledge. How dare he find comfort with them. How could he not see that they were no longer worthy of Lucy and Edmund's company? They were no longer in Narnia. They could not live in the past. They were too soiled for Narnia. Even their memories tarnished the country's name.

But the more she tried to forget, the more she remembered. When she heard Peter's first sob that night, she was unable to keep herself from crying, too. _Oh, Aslan, _she thought, her head in her hands. _What must we do to redeem ourselves?_

There was no answer. Then again, she wasn't expecting one.  
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**Ah, lovely reviewers! It's great to know when your work has been read and appreciated. So, I would like to give a BIG thank you to more than meets the eye and Shizuku Tsukishima749. Thanks, you two! I won't forget it! Expect the next drabble up tomorrow, as usual.**

**Don't forget to review!  
**


	5. A Caged Heart

**For Disclaimer and Information, see story one.**

It wasn't a week after their return from the holidays that Susan set out on her quest. If Narnia was exiling her to earth, then she would just have to find a Narnia on earth. She'd been invited to many parties and dances after their return, but she'd always thought them superficial compared to what she'd had in Narnia.

Now, she thought back to all the love she'd felt in a Narnian party, the banquets she'd held, the dances she'd danced. She wanted to recapture the feelings that Narnia awakened within her without actually going. What better way than in a dance?She bought a new party dress, accepted the next invitation she received, and resolved to make the best of her situation. In her pragmatic mind, it made sense. While her brothers and sister lived in the past, she would charge into the future.

Susan invited one of her friends over, a pretty yet empty-headed girl named Heather, to help her prepare for the party.

"Now," she said, smiling that brainless smile of hers while spraying them both with perfume. To Lucy, Edmund, and Peter's concern, Heather had locked Susan and herself in the bathroom to prepare for the grand event of Susan's first dance. "The most important thing to remember is you must break out of that little shell you seem to have built for yourself."

"What do you mean?" Susan asked.

Heather sighed. "Susie, 'yes I'll come', 'will you help me,' and 'what do you mean' are the only things I've heard you say to anyone all week, and those were only to me. I could understand if you were shy, but you don't seem to be. Do you understand? There's got to be an explanation for the silence, and we don't particularly care what it is. We just don't like it."

"What should I do, then?"

"Talk to people. I know you have a wit, when you care to speak at all. You should be the most popular girl out there. Just...don't attack anyone with your tongue. Unless you're kissing some boy."

Susan turned up her nose. Why should she? That sort of behavior was scorned in Narnia. "Is there a lot of kissing at these parties?" she asked hesitantly.

"Only between couples," Heather said absently, drawing a brush through Susan's hair. "Smile. Laugh. Tell a joke. Just get yourself noticed." She wasn't used to being noticed, or at least having to beg for anyone's notice. As the Gentle Queen, she could shine in the limelight when she was ready and then draw back, without trace or word, into the shadows and no one thought anything of it. That was Gentleness for you. But Susan was quickly learning that there was no place for Gentleness in London.

Heather smiled happily as she finished Susan's hair. "Do you need any help with your make up?"

"No," said the once-queen softly. "I can handle it myself." She had been for fifteen years, after all. Just not in England. "Stay and tell me if I mess up?"

"Oh, of course," said Heather, standing to the side to give Susan full use of the mirror.

She took the make up brush and started dabbing at her cheeks. She felt odd and eerie. An old expression rose to her mind: like someone was walking over her grave. Or as if she were putting on a face that wasn't hers. _This is only for a little while,_ she thought to herself. J_ust one dance, and then I'll go back to being myself. But for now..._ she took a deep breath and started on her eyes. _For now, I'll put away Queen Susan and just be a normal girl. _

And so, she unknowingly built a little cage around her heart, and put the Gentle Queen inside of it. It was only for the night, of course, and she opened the cage again after the dance was over, letting Narnia fill her again. After all, at that point she did not know she would cry when she first got to the party, hiding in the bathroom for almost forty-five minutes while a knot of longing formed and tightened in the pit of her stomach. She didn't know she'd be miserable, or that an English dance would be so lacking compared to a Narnian ball. She didn't know that soon she would lock away the Queen and throw away the key. She finished her make up and smiled at her reflection in the mirror.

She didn't realize it, but it was her first mask.

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**Thank you to Shizuku Tsukishima749, aravis riddle, LucyofNarnia, and more than meets the eye for your kind, wonderful, honest reviews. There is nothing more satisfying than knowing I've written something that someone else enjoys. Love you guys, I really do! **

**I have an outline planned for the rest of the stories, but I'm hoping for some suggestions on what I should do, or how you think Susan would feel. Or if you could point out likes and dislikes in the stories so I know what I'm doing right. Shizuku Tsukishima749 has already been a great help. :)** **There will be a tiny bit of romance for Susan, as well as for Peter. I have a rather interesting OC planned for Peter, who may be expounded upon further in a different fanfiction if you guys want more after Masks is done. It's up to you. Feedback, please? **

**-Feste  
**


	6. Justice

**For disclaimer and information, see the first story. **

**A/N: I am so sorry, readers, for the wait! I'm participating in NaNoWriMo... actually, my personal goal is 100,000... and my novels kind of kidnapped me. I'm still behind, by almost six thousand words, but I was in desperate need of a break. I'll try not to wait so long again. **

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Several weeks later, Susan found herself fully immersed in the busy life of a teenager. Parties and dances became second nature, and she felt herself distancing from her siblings. They were fully content to do nothing but remember Narnia. Susan couldn't stand the memories anymore, finding them too painful for words.

They were concerned about her, she knew, but she didn't pay the least bit of attention to their concern until Edmund approached her one night as she was finishing her make up for another party.

"Hello, Ed," she said dreamily. Now that she no longer considered herself a captive of Narnia's memories, she felt that she could speak to Edmund and Lucy with only half as much guilt. She couldn't bring herself to have a serious conversation with them, however. "Do you need anything?'

"Yes, Su," he said slowly. "I need to talk to you. About... Narnia."

Susan froze. "What about it?" she asked, a little coldly. _Why talk to me?_ she thought. _What could I know? I should not even say the name!_

"Why do you never talk to us anymore?" he said, getting straight to the point. Ever the diplomat, Edmund was. Always calculating exactly what tactic he should use on what person. "Don't you want to go back?"

_Of course I do!_ she screamed in her mind, while Susan the Gentle rattled the bars of her cage. "Edmund..." she said, forcing herself to speak calmly. "Don't you think it's time we stopped living in the past? N...Na... it was our home, but it isn't now. We live in England. It's time we started behaving... as English citizens, not as royalty."

"But we are," Edmund insisted. "Once a king of queen of Narnia, always a king or queen of Narnia. Not living there doesn't change that, anymore that leaving England doesn't mean we're no longer English!"

"That's just it, Ed," she said briskly, putting down her make up brush and turning to face him. "We _are_ English. Not... Narnian..." she winced as she said it, making Edmund's eyes widen.

"Susan, you need to talk to us," he said, more gently than ever before. "You can't keep living like this. It'll rip you to pieces."

_He still trusts,_ her mind screamed. She took a deep breath in order to stop tears from springing to her eyes. She _hated_ his hope and the intense jealousy it gave her. She wished she could share it. "I have put away such childish things," she told him, walking away, even though the words hurt more than she could say. "Perhaps you should do the same. " _Because Narnia doesn't want us, Edmund! Can't you see that?_ "Grow up."

Anger sprang up inside Edmund's heart. He saw how much she needed Narnia, how much she longed for Narnia. But she did nothing. "Growing up isn't going to solve any of your problems, Susan!" he screamed at her. "All it's going to do is make you old and bitter. You need Narnia, and if you won't allow us to give it to you, then there's no hope for you left!"

She stopped in midstride as Edmund froze, immediately regretting the words. They were true, yes, but they should not have been said. They both knew it, and a Just king does not take back the truth. The tension in the air between brother and sister was tangible. Susan closed her eyes in pain and acceptance. "Good bye, Edmund," she said shortly before crossing to the front door, opening it, and gracefully leaving the house.

Edmund was the first to give up on Susan, even while there was still hope for her. He could see both her longing and disdain, her need and disbelief, her misunderstanding, pain, and doubt. He was the Just, after all, and Justice is not blind, as the old saying would go. But Justice is not ignorant, either, nor does it waste false feelings. Edmund could see it in Susan's eyes, could weigh her pain and strength at a glance and found it lacking.

Edmund knew before she did that she was going to fall.

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**Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers! You know who you are. I'd put the names up, but I'm way too tired. Thank you, I owe you big time, and the comment from the last story still stands, if you'd care to answer it, please. Also, all you secret readers. Don't forget to review!**


	7. Bitter Tears

**For disclaimer and information, see story one.  
**

**A/N: Still in NaNoWriMo, but I'm all caught up now, and thought I deserved a nice prize before diving into the last ten thousand words.**

"Oh, Lucy," said Susan, several weeks after the disastrous argument with Edmund. "I've something absolutely marvelous to tell you."

"What is it, Su?" Lucy asked, smiling brightly at her sister's thrilled tone.

"Father's got a lecturing job in America and they're going to take me with them!" Susan said, expecting her sister to delight in her news as well. "Can you believe it? A trip to America!"

"That sounds quite wonderful, Susan," Lucy said, sounding less than thrilled. "I'm sure you're very pleased."

"I am... but... what's wrong?" Susan looked at Lucy with concern.

"Nothing's wrong, Su," Lucy said. "What do you hope to do in America?"

"Oh, I want to go to all of the big society parties," Susan chattered, still not quite satisfied by her sister's words. "My friend Hannah spent last summer in America and she told me all about it, so I feel very well prepared. There are some great cinemas in America too, and-"

"That's it?" asked Lucy bluntly, looking confused. "You're going to dance and watch films?"

"Well, of course not," said her older sister, looking slightly hurt by the suggestion. "I'm going to be helping Mother, too, Lu, and Father said he's going to show me all the finest museums."

"Sounds like a regular vacation," said Lucy. She seemed a bit hesitant, as if there was something she wanted to add.

"I'm certain it will be. Heather said that America must be one of the brightest, greenest, most colorful places on earth. I'm looking forward to getting away from the gray drabness of England. Wouldn't you be?"

"I don't know," Lucy said with a dreamy smile on her face. "I think I'd rather spend my time bringing color to England rather than fleeing to America. Aslan said we were to come close to home."

Susan's own smile froze at the direction the conversation was going in. "I... see you're still playing games." She ignored Lucy's small frown and continued. "And... are you... 'coming close,' as you say?"

"Susan, we all are," said Lucy in confusion. "Why do you think Peter's been studying so hard? Say," she said, frowning even deeper. She looked as if she'd just figured something out. "Wait half a minuted. If Peter's going to stay with the Professor and you're going to America with Mum and Dad, where're me and Edmund going to be?"

"Oh," said Susan, blushing a little. "I'm afraid you're going to stay with Cousin Eustace..."

Lucy made a ghastly face, much to Susan's amusement, and ran off to tell Edmund of their misfortune.

Sixteen weeks later, Susan returned from America feeling giddy and strangely refreshed. She opened the door to the Pevensie house and stepped inside. She could hear Lucy and Edmund talking in animated voices in Peter's room. "Hello, we're home!" she called. The voices fell silent. "Well, I am. Mum and Dad stopped to pick up some groceries."

"Susan!" Lucy cried out, leaping out of Peter's room and into the hall. Susan wrapped her up in a big hug around the shopping bags, laughing. Edmund and Peter emerged in a much more dignified way. Susan looked up at both of them with another smile. Peter looked happy, but utterly exhausted. Edmund seemed to glow with something she couldn't quite remember, and he looked as though he'd grown at least an inch and a half. Come to think of it, Lucy seemed taller, too, and brighter, somehow.

"Did you have a good time in America?" Edmund asked, his voice a little stiff. He'd not been the same with her ever since the fight.

"I most certainly did," she said. "And I'm going to tell you all about it, as soon as I've had a cup of coffee." She let go of Lucy, getting a whiff of the girl's hair as she whipped back to their brothers. "Lucy, your hair smells absolutely wonderful. Like cinnamon and sea salt. Did you get a new shampoo?"

Lucy's face fell, and Peter looked shocked. "But... Susan, don't you remember that smell?" Peter asked.

"Susan, Edmund and I went to Narnia, with Eustace!" Lucy said animatedly.

"Now, Lucy, I'm sure Su wants her coffee before we bother her with our stories," Emund said grimly, going to the kitchen and putting a pot on the stove.

"But it was so wonderful, I can't wait to tell you!" the girl beamed, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Only three years had gone by, and we all landed on a ship called the Dawn Treader and Caspian was captain and Reepicheep was there and we sailed to all kinds of islands, and Eustace was turned into a dragon, and we can't go back to Narnia anymore, but that's perfectly all right, because I understand now what we're supposed to do and... Susan? Where are you going?"

"I'm so sorry, Lu," Susan said, forcing herself to smile as she put down the shopping. "But I'm simply too tired for stories right now, all right? You'll have to tell me all about it some other time. Right now, all I really want is a nap." She didn't give anyone else time to say anything, but ran to her room.

"I'll bring you the coffee when it's ready," Edmund told her retreating back. She didn't give him any indication that she'd heard. She didn't need to. She burst into her room and closed the door behind her before falling on her bed and weeping. They were tears of wicked jealousy, tears of anger at her own weakness and the reminder of her own exile, tears of sorrow at the knowledge that whatever had set her younger siblings apart was gone now and they were just as unclean as she and Peter were. They fell into her mouth and she shuddered as they rolled around her tongue. It was a bitter taste, and very unlike the wonderful smell that had come from Lucy's hair.

Her door swung quietly open. The air that blew in from the hallway was crisp and had the same exotic smell she still couldn't quite place; a heavenly mixture of cinnamon, blood, ripe fruit, the sea at springtime, the first snowfall of the winter, burning leaves, fresh cut summer flowers, a garden after a rainfall, and something metallic. Heavy footsteps sounded across her floor. She felt a hand fall onto her shoulder as someone placed a cup of hot coffee on her nightstand and walked out again. Edmund. Edmund, bearing the scent of...

She couldn't remember. That made her cry the harder.

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**A big, huge thank you to LucyofNarnia, Shizuku Tsukishima749, and DarkPhoenix101 for the reviews. DarkPhoenix101 in particular for the awesome crit that made me realize a couple of things and made me make some edits to the rest of the story. I had no idea I was sounding like that! Thank you. Anyway, this one turned out a little longer than usual. Hope no one minds. **

**Also, I most definitely have another fic planned after Masks is done. I always thought it was odd that none of the Pevensies ever found anyone special after they left Narnia, so I decided to make people for them. Not necessarily romance stories, and you'll get a glimpse of one or two of them in Masks. Let me know if you're interested in it. **

**More critiques would be wonderful! Don't forget to review, and all you invisible readers, you pitch in too. I'd love to hear from you!**

**-Feste**


	8. Magnificence

**For Disclaimer and Information, see the first story. **

**Ok, November's over, and I took a much-needed and well-deserved break from writing anything at all. Back now, and will hopefully be updating more often. Fingers crossed. Here's this drabble anyway, starring Susan and Peter.

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**Her door opened once more that night. This time, the air that followed smelled like an old library. She knew immediately it was Peter. She didn't look at him as he stepped across her room and perched on the foot of her bed. Susan's tears had dried up almost an hour previously, and now she was stretched out across her bed, staring at the ceiling with blank, unseeing eyes. She heard Peter sigh.

"Oh, Su," he said gently. "You should have come to us earlier, you know. You didn't have to go through this pain alone." He leaned forward and made to pull her into his arms. She shied away from him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Edmund told me to come," he said, looking a little hurt. "Susan... you miss Narnia terribly, don't you?"

"I don't miss anything or anyone," she said with a sniffle. "I don't need you here, you know. I'm just... sad to be back home, that's all."

"Su, it isn't weak to accept comfort," Peter said gently. "Why don't you open up to us again? It will help."

"I don't need any help," Susan insisted. She hardly knew what she was saying now. She just needed Peter out, needed to be alone.

"You need us, and you need Narnia," he said sternly. "Please talk to us. Listening to Lucy and Edmund will ease all of our aches."

"Peter!" she suddenly sat up and screeched. "I don't need to hear fairy stories, do you understand me? I need to be alone!"

Peter stared at her. "Fairy stories?"

"You heard me," she continued, quieter now. "That place was lovely, and the professor was an old dear, but Narnia doesn't want us any more! It might as well have been a dream. In fact, it probably was. A dream and a story four children told themselves to keep from worrying about a war going on miles and miles away. I've had enough of it! The war is over, Peter, and you can step away from your dream now. It's time to stop living in the past and act your age!"

"Susan, what age? Am I eighteen or thirty? Tell me that, right now."

Susan was silent.

"We are not living in the past. Lucy, Edmund and I are creating a future. With Aslan as our guide, Susan, we have found a new light. Narnia is real, and within us still. If ever you doubt that, just look in Lucy's eyes. And it is a dream, yes, a glorious dream that someday all earth will be like unto Narnia in her golden age, and there shall be peace and love throughout the land. This is our quest, Susan. This is why Aslan sent us back. So we could teach others how to love, as he loves us."

"Loved," Susan corrected.

"Loves," said Peter more strongly.

"He sent us away."

"And he promised we'd come back, and we did. Hold to that promise, Susan. Hold to it, and you'll see."

Susan stared into her brother's eyes. Even in England, they were large and bright, full of grandeur and demanding respect with a single glance. She shuddered. "I can't, Peter. I can't."

Peter's eyes grew darker as he stared into hers and saw the truth. She was afraid, of loss and of pain, and she would never allow herself to live beyond it. "Well..." he said softly. "I guess that's that, then." He stood up and headed for the door, hesitating on the way out. "Edmund was right about you, you know," he said. "The Gentle is inside you, somewhere. Until you let her out again, you are no queen of anywhere."

The next person to give up on Susan was Peter. Unlike Edmund, he could not see her struggle in an instant. He could only see pain. He longed to take it away, but she would not let him. If he were anything other than Magnificent, he would stand by her until she was forced into Gentleness again. But Magnificene is proud and has no time for those who do not want to be healed in the first place. Peter could see that in Susan. As much as she wanted to return to Narnia, she did not want Narnia and England to mix. When Peter left her that day, he did more than walk out of her room.

He walked out of her heart.

And the Gentle Queen screamed in pain and rattled the bars of her cage, but to no avail. Vainly she cried out to her captor to release her and let herself be free. Susan did not hear her. The cries were lost over the waves of Susan's tears.

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**A big thank you to all my reviewers. DarkPhoenix101, I feed off of criticism. I'm glad you're enjoying the story and am very greatful for your insight. Shizuku, your comments never fail to make my day. LucyofNarnia, same goes for you. All you silent readers, go ahead and drop me a line. I love to hear from you!  
**


	9. Surrender

**For disclaimer and information, see the first story. **

**Eh, I'm lazy. It's my only excuse. I didn't really want to write the next chapter (concerning Susan growing up) so I procrastinated. Then I realized that logically, this chapter should be before that one. Who would have thought, right? I'll try to have the next chapter up before too long, but you never know.**

**Also, this is my longest chapter yet, but this one just *needs* to be longer. Read and you'll see. Small tissue warning, if you're sensitive.  
**

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Susan stepped silently through the door and headed to her room. It was six months after her...conversation with Peter. They were all home from school on holiday, but she really didn't expect her brothers and sister to be home just yet. They'd made several very close friends at school who also lived in Finchley, and they'd spent quite a bit of holiday time at one or another's home. So it was a mild surprise to her when the sound of joyous laughter caught her ears as she made her way back to the solace of her own bedroom.

She paused and backtracked a little, peering through the hallway into Peter's room. He, Lucy, Edmund, and a girl she vaguely recognized from school were all laying on their stomachs on Peter's bed facing each other and giggling amongst themselves. Her curiosity piqued, she took a few steps closer, leaning in to better hear what was being said.

"So then the griffon sort of... I don't know... swoops down upon the giant," Edmund was saying, his hands practically talking for them. "And you know how giants are..."

"Babies at heart, all of them," Peter said with a nod. "Great in battle, of course, but their minds are simply not all up to par."

"Peter, that's rude," said Lucy, faking shock. "Just because giants claim more innocent minds than yours-"

"But back to the story, please," said the girl, a bright smile playing on her lips.

"As I was saying before the psychological argument came into play," Edmund continued smoothly. "Glist immediately ducks and shouts-more of a scream, really-and as he's ducking, the Brakenfur rabbit by his leg ran-"

"He didn't!" said the girl, throwing her hand to her mouth.

"He did," said the Just king, with a grin. "Right underneath the foot. So when the giant stepped down..."

"The rabbit was all right, right?"

"Oh, yes, very much so," Peter cut in before his brother could finish. "But we learned that day just how ticklish giants can be!"

"Aye, and how much trouble it is to calm one in hysterics!" said Edmund.

The four children howled in laughter. "Of course, poor Brakenfur was traumatized," Lucy said, picking up the story. "It was the first time I had to use the cordial to cure a mental breakdown, it was that serious!"

"Well, you try being a small creature right next to a dancing giant!" Edmund said defensively, causing another round of hearty laughter.

Susan watched the girl with a growing feeling she couldn't quite place. The girl turned her shining, loving eyes on first Edmund, smiling affectionately at him, face bright with amusement. She then looked at Lucy, her expression changing ever so slightly as to be protective, yet comradely at the same time. Her eyes danced mischeivously, and Susan noted with more than a little envy, that Lucy met her gaze with the same light. Susan's throat nearly closed, however, when she watched the new girl turn toward Peter. The change in her face was instantaneous and almost violent; Susan could see from a distance the loyalty, respect, honor and passionate, _romantic_ love this stranger felt for her brother-

And it was then that the girl locked eyes with Susan.

Her entire face fell. "Excuse me a moment," she said in a rush to the others, springing from the bed and hurrying to the door. Susan turned away, continuing her way back to her room with a little more speed than was necessary.

"Susan!" the girl called softly. "Susan, wait a moment!" Susan felt a hand on her sleeve before she could do anything else. She sighed and turned back toward the girl.

"What?" she asked, snapping.

The girl looked both hurt and apologetic. "Your brothers and sister and I," she said, struggling to find the right words. "We're only friends. I'm not... I'm not trying to... to take your place or anything."

"I wish you would," Susan said stiffly, frowning at the girl's hand still on her sleeve. "Perhaps then they'd leave me be."

"You don't mean that," she said.

"They told you their stories?"

The girl seemed taken aback by the question. "What?"

"They told you all their little stories about their imaginary universe inside the wardrobe?"

"Y-yes," she said. "They did."

"Figures." Susan sniffed distastefully as the unnamed feeling grew. It wasn't jealousy, but it felt like it at first. Hopelessness? Maybe. "They said when they met you that you glowed like a Narnian."

"Can...can you see it?" she asked cautiously.

"See what? The glow? There's no such thing." She tugged her sleeve out of the girl's grip and turned away.

_That's a lie_, whispered The Caged Queen.

_Does it really matter anymore?_ her weary mind whispered back.

"They need you, Susan," said the girl unexpectedly, not moving from where she stood.

Susan stopped and whirled back around. "No, they don't. They don't even want me. They want someone..." she fell silent, thinking, yet unable to think of the word she was looking for.

"Someone Gentle?" the girl supplied quietly.

"Yes, gentle," said Susan. The word sounded false to her ears, but it never occured to Susan that there might be a difference between gentleness and Gentleness. "So now they have you, and I am free from them."

"I'm not Gentle," the girl quickly countered. "I'm the farthest thing from Gentle."

"Well, you'll do anyway," said Susan. The Caged Queen screamed in protest, and the internal struggle was making Susan extremely uncomfortable.

A large, sturdy, battlescarred hand fell upon the girl's shoulder. "Minnie? Are you all right?" Peter asked. The girl (Minnie?) turned. "Oh," said the boy as he noticed his sister. "Susan. I didn't know you were home yet."

"Your friend and I were just having a charming conversation, that's all," Susan said. "But it's over now. Why don't you go back to them...Minnie, is it?"

She frowned and moistened her lips. "I...I suppose so," she said. She turned back to Peter, love shining once more in her eyes-a love that Peter didn't see. Susan thought it rather ironic that Peter, who seemed to know everything, couldn't see what was right in front of his face. She watched the two leave before finishing the walk to her room.

The discomfort was continuing as the Caged Queen rattled her bars. Susan sat down on her bed and put a hand to her head, deep in thought. If Narnia really was just a story, then what more harm could she do remembering how it went? She stretched and bit her lip. Had she been there, in the story, the day Brakenfur the rabbit and Glist the giant had created such a sensation? No, she didn't think so. Where had she been?

In that castle by the sea. What was it called? Cair something? Or Caer something? Had it started with a P or a B? And the ocean, it was to the east of Narnia, wasn't it? Or maybe south?

Susan tried to think even deeper, to bring back the memories, but they wouldn't come. "Peter was High King..." she whispered. "Aslan crowned him, after he... we... defeated someone... a witch? No, there was a color word before it. Blue Witch? What was her name... Jacqueline? And there was a beaver..."

Or had there been more than one? There had been a bird, too, later on. Her best friend. What had her name been? Was she an eagle or a sparrow?

"What color was Narnia in springtime?" she asked herself out loud. Green, naturally, but there was a specific shade. "And the trees that blossomed in the courtyard were a certain color... didn't Lucy love that color? She always had blossoms in her hair... or was it dandelions?" She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to concentrate on just the castle. The image still wouldn't come.

_Come on, Susan, you can do it,_ whispered the Caged Queen. _Think of Aslan. Concentrate on Aslan._

She thought of Aslan. Or at least, she tried. He was a lion, wasn't he? Or was he a bear? He had a growl. Maybe a roar. It had to be some sort of predatory animal. And he'd been so huge, too. There was another crowning Susan had attended, and Aslan looked as if he could have swallowed the boy up in one gulp... now what was that boy's name? Gaston or Casper or something of that nature. Why couldn't she remember?

"What's the use, anyway?" she said bitterly, breaking the reverie that she'd felt ever since the memory scouring had begun. "It doesn't do me any good to remember these stories now, anymore than it did telling them. I wish I could just forget the whole thing ever happened!"

The next person to give up on Susan was Susan herself, when she realized that the country that had once meant so much to her was lost forever to her mind. If she could not even remember what animal Aslan was, what hope did she have, ever? The feeling that could have been hopelessness lifted as she made her choice, but left her feeling empty. It was another mask, a mask of peace. A mask that said all was well, even while the heart died. Susan had no need for a heart just then. She needed a new party dress.

The Caged Queen fell back, exhausted with her vain efforts, and wept. _She_ hadn't given up yet. In the future, she decided, she would just have to be a little more cunning.

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**Reviewers, reviewers! First of all, I'm greatly honored by ReviewsGalore's rating system. Made me proud. Avia Tantella Scott, thank you and welcome to my humble story! I'm glad you're enjoying yourself so far. And finally, the ever faithful Shizuku Tsukishima749. You rock. You all rock, of course, but yeah. **


	10. The Beau

**For Disclaimer and Information, see the first story**

**A teensy, eensy bit of danger in this one, but nothing serious. Promises! Don't worry. Lucy's fine.  
**

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As Susan grew older again, she learned quickly that parties and frocks were not the only things in life, nor did they provide an income on her own. As all her friends came to their senses, so did she. The parties didn't stop, there were just fewer of them as the revelers settled down into their schoolwork and began choosing careers.

Susan enjoyed working with children. They reminded her of a simpler time. Perhaps, on some level, they reminded her of a small group of children who once stumbled into a wardrobe. Subconsciously, she wanted to be that child again, and so surrounded herself with them. She decided to become a school teacher.

Despite the increase of study, school, and work, she managed to continue to have an active social life. At around eighteen, she stopped choosing her boyfriends for their looks or connections and started looking for a man who would support her and love her enough to stand by her. Edmund and Peter were continually trying to push her to their friend Roger, but she ignored their efforts for an older man named James.

"You're not much like your siblings, are you, Suzzy?" James said to her on the day he asked her to be his steady.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Your brothers and sister... they just... I don't know. They're bolder, brighter, than everyone else. Everyone knows who they are. They've become a legend in their respective schools. Some people hate them passionately, and some would do anything just to shake their hand or hear a word from them. But you're not like them at all," he said, taking her hand. "You're different. You're like us. Normal. People like that. People like you, Susan Pevensie."

"Do you like me?" she said coyly.

"Very much," he said with a smile, kissing her fingers.

The Gentle Queen shuddered in disgust. This high-class charmer had all the makings of a Calormen. She tried to send a warning, but could not contact Susan from her cage.

Suddenly, a very different feeling blossomed in both the Caged Queen and Susan herself. She became fidgety, uncomfortable. The cold winter air seemed very hard to breathe.

"Are you all right, Suzzy?" James asked, concern flashing through his gentle eyes.

"I don't know," she said faintly. "I just... I feel like something's wrong... I have to go home."

"I'll walk you there," he said immediately, looping his arm in hers. They hurried to the Pevensie home to find it half full of people, several of whom Susan had never seen before, at least not that she could remember. The couple was quickly informed that Lucy had fallen through the ice on the river near the Pevensie home, and was ill. Susan immediately went to work tending her sister, wondering where Peter and Edmund were and why the extra people were hanging around. James stayed by her the entire time, doing whatever she told him to do and comforting her when he could tell she needed it. That's when she decided he was the one.

The Gentle Queen, however, had a very different idea. She bided her time and waited for the day when Susan would become complacent and stop guarding herself against Narnia.

She did not have to wait for a _night._ She always made sure Susan dreamed nothing but Cair Paravel, whether she knew it or not.

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**And there it is! Number ten. The chapter I didn't want to write. Turns out it's not so bad if you just shift the focus away from Susan in general and put it on Susan in particular. Thank you always to my fine reviewers—Shizuku as always and welcome back LucyofNarnia, and no problem! **


	11. Once a Queen

**For disclaimer and information, see the first story.**

**I guess I owe you guys an explanation on why it took so long this time around. One of my Christmas presents was a software program called Dragon Naturally Speaking. I'd been asking for it for quite a while, but was somewhat disappointed when I found out my computer was not powerful enough to run it. My dad decided to fix that problem by taking my computer away for two weeks, putting the entire hard drive on an external hard drive, and then outfitting a more powerful computer with my hard drive. I just got it back yesterday, but Dragon works now. in fact, even though you obviously can't see it, I didn't type this author's note. I said it out loud. It's a pretty cool program. Just wish I would've had access to my files, while the computer was in the shop. So my apologies and I hope future updates will not take this long. Enjoy!**

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Susan smiled fondly at the children in front of her as the bell rang. They rushed to the door, eager for lunch and recess. She'd never get tired of this job, of seeing their bright, happy faces. She was glad she'd been able to take the scholarship when it came.

A flicker of movement from the corner of the room caught her eye. Two boys had taken up rulers and notebooks. They hadn't noticed the bell, having been trapped in what they considered to be an epic struggle against the forces of good and evil. Susan's smile widened. She couldn't quite make out which boy was which force at the moment, but the boy in the red shirt was winning.

The fight had evidently started off small and quiet, but now that they could play without being noticed, they swept into large, extravagant strokes that suggested they had both been watching far too many action films. They began adding dialogue to their little act as well, mostly the typical things; grunts, groans, and old-fashioned sounding insults. Susan stood up and walked to the corner where they were fighting, laughing at their antics as she did so. "Okay boys, the bell has rung. Time to go to lunch."

"But Mrs. Pevensie," one boy started to complain. " We are knights and knights don't eat lunch."

"They do if they want recess," Susan said, mock-sternly. "Besides, knights must do as their queen commands and the teacher is the queen of the classroom. I say it's off to lunch with both of you, and not a minute to lose."

"But what if some bad guy tries to raid the classroom while we're away?" said the boy in the red shirt, eyes wide. "You need someone to protect you."

"I think I can handle bad guys," she said with another smile. "You'd be surprised. Now, go before you're late."

The first boy ran to the door. "Last one there's a rotten egg!'

The boy in the red shirt took his time, taking the notebook-shields and ruler-swords and arranging them so they leaned against the wall as a sword and shield would. He then ran to the door, stopping to bow to Susan on the way out. "Fare well, Your Majesty," he said grandly before chasing after his friend.

The Caged Queen had been watching vigilantly but silently for these long years. Now, she saw the boy's words as opportunity.

Without any warning, she pounced on Susan's heart.

Susan reeled, staggering backwards with the weight of the memories assaulting her. She gasped for breath as she remembered almost drowning in the Eastern Sea. She dropped to her knees in anguish when it felt as if her arm were breaking all over again. She felt intense cold as she recalled the first natural winter in Narnia, the snowball fight they'd had for the joy of having snow, when they'd stormed out of the castle without bothering with a coat or gloves. All of a sudden she felt she had never left Narnia.

But she was still Susan herself, and the Gentleness was still caged. The onslaught of memory could do nothing to change that. It terrified Susan to recall just how deeply she had once been able to feel. She felt nauseous, as if she were going to throw up. She wanted to cry, she felt so horrible, so weak. She went to the office to check out, then called James, not trusting herself to drive home.

James was there in ten minutes, his arm around her shoulders, supporting her as they walked to the car. "Are you all right, Suzzy, Love?" he asked tenderly when he saw how pale her face was.

Susan did not feel all right. She felt delirius. She grinned foolishly at her boyfriend. "No, not in the least. I should like to retire to my chambers, Thimbleclaw. Could you take me there, and inform the King of my location, in case he should need me?"

James raised an eyebrow. "Suzzy? Are you feeling well?" he put his hand on her forehead. "You may have a fever. Do you need a doctor?"

"No, just some sleep," she said, the smile not leaving. "It's a shame, too. I promised Primplefeather and Jane that we'd go riding tonight. I shall have to cancel. I hope they understand."

He eased her into the car and took the driver's seat. She chatted incessantly of ancient happenings and long ago friends, tears coming into her eyes as she recounted the more sad memories. James helped her into her house, the frown never leaving his face. He wondered if she was drunk. She'd never been this way before.

She seemed to come to her sense slightly as he carried her to the couch. "Where am I?" she asked dully.

He paused. "Your living room, Susan."

"Oh, that's right. We're in England now, aren't we?" She hiccuped and sat down on the couch, pulling James down next to her and leaning against his shoulder. She was crying outright now. "I was a Queen, once, did I ever tell you? I was, and it was marvelous. I was happy. You wouldn't believe the happiness."

"You were a queen?"

"No. A Queen. There's a difference. I suppose I could be a queen now, but I'll never be a Queen again." She started to sob. "I wasted the gifts He gave me. I've ruined my only chances at living like them. Oh, Peter, Edmund, forgive me!"

"Susan, what are you talking about?"

"Gentleness has fled, and it is a dark, dark world, James. How can we live in such a place?"

"Susan?"

"How can we live with ourselves?"

"Susan, you're scaring me."

"Oh, Aslan, Aslan, please! I want to die!"

"Susan, don't. Susan?"

She had fallen asleep almost instantly, exhausted by her grief. The Caged Queen fell back, equally exhausted and heartbroken. It wasn't enough. She hadn't remembered enough. But it was a start.

Susan woke a few hours later, feeling quite herself and having almost no memory of the afternoon. James was standing by her window, and his posture made her uneasy. "James?"

He jumped. "Susan. You're awake. How are you feeling?"

She sighed. "Better, but still a little sick. What exactly happened?"

"I'm not sure, but we need to talk." He walked over to the couch again and sat next to her, taking her hand. "You scared me, before."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Suzzy darling, but that's beside the point. The things you talked about... they were insane, impossible, and...far grander than anything I have ever heard in my entire life. It got me thinking. Deep, deep down, you're no different from your siblings. You're the same unnatural being that makes them who they are. You're different, too, Susan, and that's...well...it's unnerving."

"What are you saying?" Susan asked, a feeling of panic settling in the pit of her stomach.

"I'm saying I don't think I can handle different, Suzzy," he said with a sigh. "I think... and I hate to do this...it's over between us. I am sorry. I just...you need to find someone who's just as different is you, is all. Someone who knows what to do. And I'm not that person. Goodbye."

He walked out the door. She never saw him again.

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**I have some new readers, I see! Greetings to **.- **and the rest of you who are watching my story without leaving a review. Stop on by and drop me a line, even if it's just for a couple of words. And you two amazing fans, LucyofNarnia and Shizuku Tsukishimi79. You guys are the best as always, and I hope you enjoy this newest update.**


	12. Valiance

**For disclaimer and information, see the first story**.

**This was hard to write, but I knew it had to be done. I didn't like the fact that Lucy will eventually give up on Susan, but that was the way I felt it needed to be. Or more, the way the story felt it needed to be. see when I read The Last Battle, the thing that struck me as most curious is that Lucy, who was so close to her sister, didn't defend her at all when the others talked about how she had left Narnia. That wasn't like the Lucy we all know and love at all. When I thought about it in terms to this story, I knew what had to happen. Susan had hurt Lucy in some way, Lucy had given up on her, and pain and grief and resentment was too near for Lucy to even think Susan. So, as much as I didn't like writing this fight, I think that I've nailed it in the head.**

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A year came and went, and Susan slowly got over James. She tried seeing other boys, but was too afraid that they would see the difference in her that James had spoken of to be really serious with them. At last she gave up all together and threw herself into her job.

The thing she never got over was remembering. She couldn't recall much of what she'd remembered in the horrible fit, but she did remember the feelings it gave her. They were wonderful feelings, but it didn't change much regarding her everyday life. If nothing else, she began guarding even more heavily against anything Narnian. She blamed Narnia for losing her boyfriend, and there wasn't anything she could do to get the memories back.

So when a knock came at her door, she wasn't expecting anything other than the milkman. What she got was Lucy, bouncing on the balls of her feet, obviously excited by something. "Susan!" she shrieked with joy as she opened the door. "Oh, Su, you absolutely _must_ come with us! _Please_ say you will!"

"Lucy, what are you talking about?" Susan said with a small laugh.

"The Professor's in town, and Aunt Polly, can you imagine? They came just for us! They think we're wanted together, and it'll be good just to be able to talk. I mean, we have the others, but it just isn't the same as to those who've actually been there, you know? Eustace and Jill are here, too, and it'll be such wondrous fun! They all want you there, really, but no one wanted to come get you. I came straight here as soon as I heard. Oh, please, Su, won't you come with us?"

As her sister rattled on, Susan's face went from cheerful to crestfallen to anger to emptiness. "That's all you wanted, Lucy?" she said in a cold voice. "To invite me to a meeting of fools to speak of things that never happened?"

Lucy flinched, looking up at her sister with such a hurt expression, Susan may as well have slapped her. "Susan, you can't be serious," she said quietly.

"I am!" she snapped. "How many times do I have to tell you, Lu, I've had enough! It's bad enough that you've hoodwinked poor Eustace and Jill into this nonsense, and that the Professor and Miss Plummer are encouraging this. I've left, you understand? I'm nothing to do with that anymore. Stop trying to pull me back in!"

With every proclamation, Lucy winced and drew back away from the door. "Susan," she said in a soft whisper, tears starting down her cheeks. "Please stop."

"Stop what?" Su said with a scoff. She was crying too, but she didn't know why. "This wouldn't hurt you if you didn't know it was really nonsense, deep down inside. Can't you see this has ruined you, Lucy? You have no job, no prospects-you don't even have a place of your own. You live with _Peter_. How long can you remain in that imaginary world you've created for yourself? How long can you stay a child in an adult's body?" She was shouting now.

"Stop it, Susan!" Lucy shrieked, her hands over her ears. She had backed up into the middle of the street by this time, and a carriage was coming fast. Susan leaped forward and took her by the arm, pulling her out of the way just in time. Lucy, enraged, pulled out of Susan's grip. "You're not grown up, Susan! You're even younger than I am, inside. What happened to you? Where are you hiding her?"

"Hiding who?" Susan said impatiently.

"My sister!" Lucy yelled back. Now Susan felt as if she had been struck. "Whatever has come between you and her, whatever has happened, whatever mask you're wearing—you are _not_ my sister!"

"Stop, Lucy!"

"I _trusted_ you! I _believed_ in you! You have betrayed my faith, and the Susan I know would never do that!"

Each word stung more than a blow. Susan was crying more than she had when James broke up with her, more than she had when Peter left her alone. "What did you expect, that I would swoop in with a bow and a hunting horn and we'd go traipsing all over London hunting deer and trolls?" she said back. "There's a difference between real life and imagination!"

"One you have failed to recognize!"

"No, one you cannot comprehend!" Susan started forward again and grabbed one of Lucy's arms in anger, staring down at her. She said in a malicious whisper. "There is a separation between Narnia and the real world. I left Narnia behind when we returned to the real one, you understand? It was a good time, a good story, a good memory, but that's all, Lucy. That's_ all_."

Lucy stared at Susan's hand rather than her face. Her bright, cheerful eyes grew dark and deep and stormy, as if the spark that was always there had been extinguished for good. Susan became aware that Lucy had gone very stiff and cold in her hand. When she was finished, Lucy met her eyes with an unnatural steely gaze that made the older woman shiver. "There is a separation between my world and England," she said back with a cold, heartless voice. "One that must be destroyed. One that must be lowered and removed as soon as possible so that all may know pure joy and harmony. This is where I stand. Is _that_ your true belief?"

"Yes," Susan said firmly.

"Then so be it, Lucy said, wrenching her arm away. She started to turn around and leave, then paused and looked back at Susan. She then did something she had never done before, ever, in any world or memory.

She pulled back her hand and struck Susan.

Then she spun around and vanished into the crowded sidewalks.

The last person to give up on Susan was Lucy, and it hurt both of them more deeply than either could tell. Valiance is patient, but depends on action. Valiance marks itself invincible and forever right without reason to smooth its feathers. Valiance does not forgive once the unforgivable wrong is done. Both Lucy and Susan knew that, but could do nothing. Valiance had fled.

One of the most painful hurts was the date on which it had happened. _Then so be it_ was the very last thing Susan would ever hear her sister say, and it would haunt her memory to her dying day.

The Gentle Queen, trapped within her cage, did not make a single move or sound as the fight went on. She, too, could feel the forces rising in Narnia, could hear the battle cry and see the door opening. She smiled softly, sadly. The end was near.

Her time was coming soon.

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**Hooray to my new reviewers! misselizabeth19, Eruanna Undomiel**, **and anangelwithnoname, welcome! Glad you're liking the story so far. To my faithful readers, LucyofNarnia, Shizuku Tsukishima749, and .-, love you guys and your awesome reviews. Also, Shizuku, I think you have the answer to your question, now. :)  
**


	13. Destruction and Sorrow

**For Disclaimer and Information, see the first story. **

**We're coming to the end of this little story. I think I have only about three or four ficlets to go. I'm not happy with how this one turned out. There's just something about it... eh. I guess I'm just feeling anti-climatic after Lucy and Susan's big fight. **

**Anyway, I've updated my profile with some information about future fics (yes, that's plural!) that will take place in this "universe." Go take a look, and if there's anything specific you want to see in the future, tell me in a review.  
**

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One week later, the Pevensies, Professor Diggory, Polly Plummer, Jill, and Eustace headed for the train station. Susan was not among them. Where was she while her siblings fled to free Narnia?

At a party.

Granted, she was not the only one. For some reason unknown to her (she suspected Peter and Edmund had begged her to go with Susan this one time) the Minnie girl who was so enthralled with Peter had come along. She learned very quickly that her companion was in a melancholy mood and grew bored with parties. Susan went to talk to her friends as soon as she could, leaving the girl tapping her toes by the punch bowl.

She had no idea that Narnia was about to fall.

But the Gentle Queen _did._

At the exact moment of the railway accident, the moment that Narnia was destroyed for a better future, Susan was in the corner, flirting half-heartedly with a tall, handsome boy she'd never seen before. At that exact moment, the Gentle Queen _felt_ it. She watched her home, her only true love, vanish in a storm of fire and smoke, saw the others watching through the door in the air, feeling hopeless, as if her final bridge were being burned to the ground. She would never find her friends again. Aslan's country was lost to her. She was left behind.

She screamed, long and loud, in the agony of being left behind, throwing herself at the bars of her cage, hot tears flowing down her face. She screamed and fought and kicked and clawed at Susan's heart. Susan herself knew instinctively that her siblings were in danger, but she couldn't tell how. With the Caged Queen's struggles, she felt herself being ripped in two. Unlike the last direct attack on her heart, she did not remember anything except sorrow and darkness. She screamed with the Queen, falling back against the wall, slipping down to the floor, clutching her stomach, panting, her vision fading in and out. Never before had she felt such heartbreak. She wanted to die.

She heard voices overhead, frantic, worried voices calling for a doctor. Someone said it looked like a panic attack. Someone went to call her parents. A vaguely familiar voice could be heard over all of them, pushing its way through the crowd. Someone fell at her feet and put their hands on her shoulders. "_Susan,_" that insistent voice whispered, cutting through the darkness. _"Susan, look at me. Look into my eyes, Susan. Focus."_

Susan looked up into a pair of sea-green eyes, laced with worry and resignation. "_Concentrate, Susan. It's not yet your time to fade away. Stay with me._"

She tried to look away. Concentration was painful. Life was painful. The blackness was so tempting...

"_Queen Susan!"_ the voice snapped impatiently, forcing her to look into the eyes again. "_You can do this, Su, I know you can. I believe in you. Uh... Repeat after me, Su. When Adam's flesh and Adam's bone..." _

"Adam's... flesh... Adam's bone..." Susan gasped out through the panting.

"_Sits at Cair Paravel in throne..." _

"Cair... Paravel... throne..." Susan got a sudden glimpse of a beautiful white castle by the sea before fire once more filled the vision. She cried out again.

"_Breathe, Susan! The evil time will be over and done!" _

"Evil time... over and done..."

"_Wrong will be right when Aslan comes in sight." _

"Wrong will be right... Aslan... in sight..."

_"At the sound of his roar-"_

"Sorrows... will be..."

"_No more. You remember! Focus on Him, Susan. You will overcome this. When He bares His teeth..." _

"Bares His teeth... winter meets its death..." A field of snow filled her sight, and in the middle was a huge lion with loving, amber eyes. She held His eyes in sight until amber and sea-green blended together.

"_And when He shakes His mane..." _

_"We shall have spring again," _the two finished together. The lion roared, the snow melted, and Susan was left looking blearily at an interrupted party. The fire did not return.

"There, you see?" said the girl with a small, sad smile as Susan got her breathing under control. "Come on, now, and let's get you home."

The Gentle Queen had no more energy for further attack. Unless Susan gave in on her own, she had lost the fight.

Minnie helped Susan to her feet and led her to the door, half-supporting her weight along the way. She dismissed many other helping hands along the way, insisting it wasn't far to Susan's home, and they could make it on their own. And they could, as it turned out. Susan pointed out the way, having not completely gained her voice back, and the two staggered along.

They paused, however, when they reached Susan's street. There was a police car in front of her house. Susan blinked in confusion, but her companion just drew in a shuddering sigh. "So soon?" she said softly. "Oh, love...not even another goodbye?"

_Love?_ Susan thought. She was in a sympathetic mood after the attack, and wondered what on earth the other girl was talking about. _I really must reconnect with my dear siblings,_ she thought to herself. _Apologize to Lucy, see if I can't get Peter and Edmund to come over some time..._

Her thoughts were distracted when they arrived at her front door to find an officer getting out of the car and tipping his hat to them. "Might either of you be Susan Pevensie, ma'am?"

Susan opened her mouth to speak, but still couldn't make the words come. "This is Susan Pevensie," the other girl supplied. "And I'm Peter Pevensie's fiancé. What is it, officer?"

_Peter Pevensie's fiancé? _Susan thought, shocked. _I really _must_ reconnect with my siblings, if Peter's going to get engaged without telling me. First thing tomorrow, I'll call Lucy, and-_

"I am sorry, ladies, deeply sorry," the officer said uncomfortably. "There's...there's been a railway accident. Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Helen, and Gregory Pevensie and Eustace Scrubb... were all killed almost instantly."

Susan froze. The officer's voice continued, but it seemed to Susan as if he were speaking through a tunnel. He asked about identifying the bodies. Peter's fiancé-_how on earth did she stay so calm, so collected, hardly a tremor in her voice?-_said she would do it, and asked after the Professor, Miss Plummer, and Jill Pole. Susan didn't hear the answer. With a low moan, she collapsed for the second time that night, her vision fading once again. Someone leaned against her, pulling her head onto a shoulder, and a soft voice whispered _"Cry, Su, my Gentle Queen. Cry and I shall cry with you."_

She did not have to offer twice.

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**Review notes! Thank you Shizuku Tsukishima749 and anangelwithnoname for the newest reviews! You two both managed to time that just right so I got them when I needed them most. I'm impressed! As to my silent readers, once again, drop me a line, even if it's just a "hey, good job." **

**The next chapter is one you've all been waiting for, I can assure you. Expect it in a couple of days!  
**


	14. Always a Queen

**For Disclaimer and Information, see the first story. **

* * *

Susan was weak with grief for the next three days, hardly bearing the energy to help plan the funerals-two of them. She had been convinced, if that was the word for begging someone who didn't have the heart or nerves to refuse, to only hold two funerals. One for her parents, and one for her siblings.

How she finally made it through her parent's funeral, she had no idea. Numbness had settled over Susan's mind, and everything she did took on a mechanical stiffness. She stood when everyone else did, sat when everyone sat, cried when everyone cried, and said a few words about her parents when the preacher asked her to.

She was numb from her parent's death, and downright heartsick for her siblings, feeling almost guilty. What if she had been there for them? Why had they gone to the station? Would she have been able to stop them? How had they ever grown apart? Why had they believed when she could not?

The questions gnawed upon her numb mind as she sat through the preacher's talk of death and heaven. The sound of sobbing almost drowned him out, and if she were herself, Susan would have been surprised to see that she sat among a very sober-faced but _silent_ group of young people in the front row reserved for family. She recognized Peter's fiancé, _Minnie_ or whatever her name was, and Roger, Peter's and Edmund's best friend, but as to the others, she had no clue. Nor did she care, she found herself thinking as she stared at her siblings' coffins.

It was a strange thing indeed. She had seen several of the other crash victims. Their bodies were horribly disfigured, or burned beyond recognition. The Friends of Narnia, however, had not been touched.

_Just be grateful,_ part of her mind whispered, _and don't try to puzzle out fate._

"Not fate," she whispered to herself. "Something else entirely." She was beginning to put the pieces back together in her mind, to see what she'd been missing the whole time, but she felt so fuzzy and depressed that she couldn't quite think straight.

"Susan?" the preacher said suddenly, startling her out of her half-formed thoughts. "You have a few words to say?"

She nodded mutely and stood, walking to the podium he'd vacated and facing the audience after another quick look at her siblings. _There_ was something interesting, too. Unlike the others who had just looked like they were sleeping, the Pevensies _looked_ dead. Not only dead, but as if they each had their own opinions of being dead. Peter looked calm and relaxed, all the worry smoothed out of his face and replaced with a regal bearing not of this world. Edmund seemed grave and thoughtful, but there was a stillness about him he hadn't shown in life. A small smile played over Lucy's lips, as if she knew a secret that no one else would ever know. Susan sighed and pulled her paper out of her pocket, looking over the teary audience.

"You all know-_knew-" what on earth made me say know?_ "-my brothers and sister," she began quietly. "I'm fairly sure they were known instantly everywhere they went. Even strangers were able to recognize them in some way. My brothers were _good _men, and my sister was a _Valiant-"_ _That wasn't what I was supposed to say. Why did it sound so right?-_ "young woman. These are rare qualities in this day and age and they will be sorely missed.

"After the war, we never really were the same-" Her mind went completely blank. "Um... the war...changed us in ways that can not be described..." _I just said that. I'm repeating myself. _"There...there was a war..." _Which war? _"There's only ever been one," she snapped at herself, flustered. The mourners shifted in their seats. Minnie, Roger Young, and the other girl and boy with them sat up straighter and listened more closely. Susan fanned herself with one hand and shuffled her notes with the other. "Sorry. I kind of went off track. It's just...it's hard with them being...gone, and it's worse because..." she paused in her shuffling. "We were just... we were always so close after we were crowned, but somehow I managed to drift..." She shook her head furiously. "Uh...My brother Peter," she said, finding her place in her notes again.

The Gentle Queen looked up from her cage, hope in her eyes for the first time since Narnia's fall. _She _wasn't causing these stumbles. _Grief_ was. _Love_ was. _Knowledge_ was. She eased herself back into Susan's heart, hoping to stir things up even more.

"My brother Peter had an astonishing number of accomplishments in the few lifetimes-years-years that he was a-alive." _What is the matter with me?_ "He graduated high school second in his class and went on to college. He turned out to be brilliant in law and an expert swordsman-uh... fencing. He fenced in college." _I think. He must have._ _Right?_ "He was well on his way to becoming an effective leader. Some called him the only honest lawyer in England. He was..." She fought to think of a word. "_Magnificent._ His success in society was only outdone by his success in friendship. There was no one kinder, no one more true, no one more brave and willing to stand up and fight for what was right...except maybe Edmund, of course.

"Edmund has almost always had a strong sense of conscience and justice." _Why did I say almost?_ "Uh...I say almost because I can tell you he was a bit of a traitor when we were younger." _No, we forgave him for that. Wait, for what? Where am I? What am I saying?_ "You know how little kids are. He soon grew out of it. Ed was a quiet thinker, a man of peace and eloquence, but deadly when riled. He was quick to anger and just as quick to forgive. Many people said he would be the next Prime Minister, but he always hoped for a job as ambassador.

"And Lucy. Lucy shined. She was a bright light in the darkness, a beacon of hope. She was unemployed, but that didn't stop her from doing what she could where she could. Whenever there was anyone in need, she was there. She baby-sat when no one else could be found. She volunteered in soup kitchens and charity bake sales. She danced in the wild meadows in spring and spoke to trees, ran with fauns through the forests, and filled the castle halls with joy..." Susan shook her head again. "Metaphorically, of course. She brought color to this dark, gray world..." She fell quiet for several seconds, and something seemed to click in her head. Murmurs were running over the mourners like wildfire. She blinked. "Uh... more than anything, Lucy loved. She loved deeply, and with a love that cannot be broken. They _all_ did. Peter, Edmund, Lucy, Eustace, Jill, the Professor, Miss Plummer... uh... they loved beyond comprehension. They taught others to love, too. Everyone they met, they touched. They..."

Susan paused. She had finished with her notes, gone so far off the page that she couldn't even pick up a cue from them. Her eyes were brightening as she once again picture their faces, glowing with a golden hue that could only come from breathing Narnian air. A smile broke over her face, and she suddenly broke into a peal of wild, jubilant laughter, deeper and more hearty than any she'd felt in years. "And I understand now!" she shrieked in joy. "By the Lion, I understand! Why couldn't I see it before?"

The whispers in the crowd took on new heights. Susan didn't hear them. She was once more reaching into her heart.

The Gentle Queen stepped back and stared as Susan took a key from her pocket and unlocked the cage. Neither was really sure if it was actually happening. She met the Caged Queen's eyes with an easy but nervous smile as the door swung open. _Come out, _she said to her. _Come back to me. Enter into my heart and mind. I'm sorry I ever shut you away. I'm ready to be Gentle again. _

The Queen wept with joy and sprang from the cage. Queen Susan the Gentle stood before her new subjects with a stronger, more ready smile than she had ever given before. "The masquerade is over," she said to the mourning, muttering crowd. "And there will never be another."

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**Eruanna Umdomiel, LucyofNarnia, ElvesWizardsCentaursOhMy**, **Bartholo, Fierce Queen, Shizuku Tsukishima749, and anangelwithnoname, I cannot thank you enough for your wonderful reviews and enthusiasm! I'm so glad that you are enjoying the story so far. It's not over yet. There were two chapters left after this one, but I went ahead and added a third. I showed you James, so it's only fair that I show you Roger, too. **


	15. Your Majesty

**For Disclaimer and Information, see the first story. **

* * *

Two weeks later, Susan timidly unlocked the door and stepped inside the two-story house the neighbor's jokingly called "Pevensie Place." She blushed at the memory of having to be reminded of her sibling's address. She hadn't even known that Edmund had moved back in with Peter and Lucy until then. A pang of grief and remorse hit her as she realized just how far she'd drifted away from her siblings.

Funny thing was Pevensie Place didn't feel empty or unlived in. She could still almost feel the overwhelming love coming off the walls. _Actually_, she noted as she stepped further inside, _it looks as if it's been lived in very, very recently. _The whole house was brightly lit, as if its occupants were just in the next room. She thought she heard some kind of noise from the back of the house-upstairs, too. She tensed in righteous anger, getting the feeling that her sibling's home had been broken into and lived in while they were buried. A noise came again, fading in and out and finally coming close enough to make out-a voice, sounding angry.

"Sam? Sam! Where in blazes are you? They're expecting us for tea you know, and we're going to be late enough as it is!" A pause, and more footsteps coming towards the entrance, I'm headed for the door now, and if you're not there in five minutes, I-"

The owner of the voice stepped in sight of Susan, making both freeze and stare. It was a tall, handsome man with a shock of untidy, bright red hair and deep blue eyes. He was unshaven and had a kind of sunken, haunted look about him that startled and frightened Susan terribly until he broke out into a wide, pleasant smile. "Oh. Hello, Queen Susan. We've been meaning to speak to you...I do hope you're not too upset with us."

It was only then that she recognized him-Roger Young. He looked very different than he had two weeks previously. Wilder, more restless. "Um...Mr. Young?" she said stiffly, not quite sure how to address her brothers' dearest friend. She hardly knew him, after all.

"Oh, none of that, Majesty," said he, waving away the words. "You really must just call me Roger."

"Roger, then," she corrected herself. "Do you mind telling me what in Aslan's name you're doing in my sibling's home?" She was able to keep all but the slightest note of anger and pain out of her voice, but even that was enough to make him look down at his feet in shame.

"Well, Majesty," he said cautiously, blushing. "We didn't feel quite right, you see, with this wonderful house standing empty and destitute when it should be full-it was meant to be filled. We practically lived here already, so it wasn't much trouble to turn one of the upstairs rooms into a fourth bedroom. There was the DLFs to be thinking about—Lioness and Reepicheep and Paravel and Edmund's birds. We _know _we oughtn't have moved in without your permission, it being your house now and all, but...well...we half weren't expecting you to come in at _all,_ and we mean to buy the Place from you, no matter what the asking price, and-"

"Whatever _are_ you talking about?" Susan asked, part infuriated, part exasperated, and part amused at his words and tone.

"I'm sorry, I'm not good at-"

"Roger, I'm sorry," gasped a new voice, belonging to another, younger man with fair hair and tear streaks staining his face. He was clutching a squirming, half-grown cat with soft, mouse-gray fur and a white spot under its chin. "Didn't mean to keep you waiting, but Lioness has a stone stuck in her paw pad and-" His jaw dropped when he noticed Susan, but he recovered quickly. "Uh...good to have you with us, Majesty. Did I interrupt something?"

"Nonsense," said Roger, taking the protesting cat's bleeding paw for another examination. "We'll probably need to stop by the vet on the walk. This is turning out to be a full fledged day-on-the-town, isn't it? Majesty, meet Lioness. Lioness, Susan." He took the cat from the other boy-Sam, no doubt-and plopped her unceremoniously into Susan's arms where she immediately began to sulk. "Ridiculous feline. Say, how'd you like to join us for tea, Su? One more Friend of Narnia won't do any harm. It'll be good for you!"

"I...I...What?" Susan sputtered as Sam took Lioness again before she dropped her.

Roger threw back his head and laughed, making Susan relax instantly despite herself. "Just come with us, Your Royal Speechlessness, and we'll explain _everything._"

"This is going to be a long day," Sam muttered, burying his nose in Lioness' soft fur.

He would say the same thing two years later, on the morning he stood best man for Roger's and Susan's wedding.

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**I already had this one written, so it wasn't much to type it up real quick. I'm not quite sure what to do with the last two chapters yet—I know where they're going and what's going to happen; I'm just not sure how to get there. Anyway, shoutouts to last chapters awesome reviewers: LucyofNarnia, anangelwithnoname, Euranna Umdomiel, Fierce Queen, Bartholo, and ElvesWizardsCentaursOhMy. Keep it up, you guys!**


	16. Redemption

**For disclaimer and information, see the first story.**

* * *

After her marriage, there was only one thing that people could say Susan Pevensie did.

She lived.

She picked up where her siblings had left off. With their three friends and her young husband's help, she found all their work and dedicated her life to finishing it. Between the three of them, Peter, Edmund, and Lucy had managed to create a web of goodwill and love over half the city. Everyone she talked to knew their names; any man, woman, or child pulled off the street could name at least one way they had made England a brighter place. Susan was astounded and deeply shamed. She had big shoes to fill, but a dark voice inside her whispered of what she once had been and she knew she needed the work, deserved the pain it sometimes brought. Her life became happier than she'd ever known. How could I have turned my back on such joy? she wondered time and again.

Roger was there with her the whole time. He started a scandal in the beginning by taking her last name instead of the other way around. "I always wanted to be a Pevensie," he had explained to her with a sheepish grin after he'd made the request. "And since all my family are either dead or rotten, I don't see any point or progress in you becoming a Young. Besides, it'll start a jolly riot, just wait and see. It'll be the most fun." After that, he worked with her in all her exploits, often times assuming roles that would make most men blush. He helped Susan in soup kitchens, becoming a very accomplished cook himself. Both of them volunteered their time in orphanages at least once a week. Both were major players in several foundations to get war veterans back on their feet. Both had part-time jobs that were always held second in concern with their charity work.

Later, those jobs were held third as Susan gave birth to four beautiful children, the eldest a boy and the others girls; Peers, Bonnie, Ramona, and Elinor. The four were every bit as full of life and love as Susan remembered her own childhood to be. The two raised them as if they lived in Cair Paravel and not Pevensie Place, allowing them to spin their own fantasies, find their own lights, spread color to the world. As they grew in body, they grew in mind as well, learning the lore of both their own world and Narnia. Ramona fell away from the light for a year or two when she was hit her teenage years, but she returned with a fever for beauty and desire for love that rivalled Susan's own at her siblings' death.

They became the most treasured family in Finchley.

Roger went to Aslan first, at the age of seventy-nine. It was a heart attack that finally slowed him down and stopped him in his tracks as nothing else could.

Susan followed him at eighty-two, due to complications of acute pneumonia. Her death was only the beginning.

* * *

**Gar. **

**I know, I know, it's been ages. I really didn't mean to leave it like that, but a couple of things came up. For one, I've been sick twice. The past couple of days has been the second time, really. Two, I honestly didn't know what to do with this chapter and was flailing around in the dark for a couple of weeks. Then a plot bunny bit me and I had to work on something else. _Then_ I realized how much time had passed and started throwing myself into editing my NaNoNovel in time for the createspace offer. I'm still no where near done. I'm worried I won't make it. Lastly, I started reading fanfiction again instead of just writing it. All in all, I'm a procrastinating mess and I'm terribly sorry for leaving it this long. I'll try my best to finish the last chapter in a reasonable amount of time but once again, I'm at a loss as to how to describe Susan's reuinting with the other Pevensies. And Roger. **

**Advice would be much appreciated. **

**Thank you very much to ye who reviewed the last chapter; you know who you are. I, unfortunately, don't have time to name names this time around. :( Love you all and thanks for being so patient with me.**

**Also, just a note. If you want to know why Susan and Roger picked those particular names, do some research and find their namesakes. I recomend name-meanings dot com. The only one that might be difficult is Bonnie, but you can handle it. :)  
**


	17. On the Second Return to Narnia

**For Disclaimer and Information, see the first story**

* * *

Susan blinked, not ready for the sudden light. Strange. One second she was staring at a hospital ceiling, fighting to breathe. Next, she was lying on her back in the middle of a lush, green meadow, staring at the fluffy clouds in the clear sky above. She slowly and carefully sat up, well aware that the pain that had been plaguing her body for the last week and a half was gone. _Even stranger,_ she thought, looking around. _This looks like one of Peers' drawings._

She blinked again, realizing the truth as soon as the idle thought had passed. Her eldest child was a skilled artist and loved to sketch. He drew all manner of subjects, but his favorites were the ones he saw when, as he and his father said, "everything slipped." Roger had been double-sighted ever since Edmund and Lucy returned from the Dawn-Treader, and Peers had somehow inherited the Grace. She could pinpoint the drawing she remembered exactly. They'd been on vacation in the country near the Professor's old house when all at once both husband and son gasped and fell to their knees, tears forming in their eyes at the pure beauty of whatever vision they were seeing. Almost instantly, Peers had out his charcoal and paper, sketching subconsciously.

_It did always look a little like meadow outside Aslan's How,_ she thought now, rising to her feet. _Perhaps that's what they had seen, only changed. Made new._ The meadow she saw now was more lovely than anything she had ever seen before, Narnian or not.

She did not have time to stare long. A light laugh suddenly echoed in from behind her, a sound she had not heard in over half a century. Susan turned slowly, part in disbelief and part in dread, and met the eyes of her beloved Lucy.

She could not have been more than eight years old.

"Noticed me at last, have you, Su?" Lucy said playfully, mischief shining in her eyes. She was wearing her coronation dress. She was exactly as Susan had remembered the day they were crowned.

Susan opened her mouth and made some small sound, only to close it again. Her throat seemed to be closing, too. Tears sprang to her eyes, of joy and frustration. "L- lu-luc-c-cy," she managed to say.

Thousands of times had she pictured seeing her sister again, apologizing for all her wrongs, begging her forgiveness on bended knee, pleading with her to forget every inconsiderate thing she'd ever done while in that ridiculous phase. Now they stood, face to face, and she could not even speak!

"There's no need to say anything," Lucy said reassuringly. "At least not yet. I already know how sorry you are. And I'm sorry that you're sorry, that you ever had to be sorry. But it couldn't be helped. We all learn in different ways, don't we?"

"I..." Susan swallowed and wiped the tears from her eyes. "You look so young," she said helplessly, unable to think of anything else.

Her sister laughed, a sound that once again took her breath away. "And you look so old! But there's time enough for all that later. You've got to come with me now."

"Where are we going?" Susan asked as Lucy took her hand and began to pull her along.

"Onward," was her only answer.

Lucy led her through the grass and flowers at a rather sharp pace. Susan's battered old body found it hard to keep up, and she was wheezing before very long. "Lu," she said hesitantly, afraid the girl would disappear if questioned. "I...don't think...I can go further."

"Nonsense," she cried back. "Just believe. I _know_ you can. I've always known you can. The question is, did you know?"

"I...don't know..."

"Exactly. Ah! Here's Edmund. Ed! Ed, look who's here at last!"

Susan's breath caught once again as Edmund rose from the ground. Apparently, he had been watching the sky with one leg bent, his knee peeking above the grass, when Lucy called him. If Susan did not know what to say to Lucy, the feeling was doubled for Edmund who had lost hope for her first.

"Susan," he said, that grave smile she remembered so well playing on his lips. "Praise Aslan, we thought you wouldn't make it!"

"_He _thought," Lucy corrected. "_I _knew all along. _I_ didn't give up hope."

"I never gave up hope," Edmund said softly, and it seemed that he was talking about more than just Susan's arrival. "Just trust. How are you, Su? I can see the years have been kind."

"Edmund..." she bit her lip, unsure of how to go on. "Oh, Ed, I'm so sorry!" she finally burst, throwing her arms around him and weeping openly.

He didn't stiffen as he did when alive, but pulled her closer, burying his head in her shoulder. "I know, Su. I forgave you that day, you know. I was just afraid you wouldn't come to your senses before it was too late."

He let her sob for several moments, then pulled away. "Now, come. Dry your eyes. You've much farther to go yet, dear sister, before you're home."

She nodded, then really looked at him for the first time. Confusion overcame her penitence and joy. Lucy still looked like a new made queen, but he was wearing the soft, comfortable clothing he had been the day they returned to England the second time. He was older than he should have been, if Lucy was any comparison. "Edmund, you're older!" she said, half to herself.

Both Edmund and Lucy burst out laughing, enveloping her in a hug. "There is no time, here, Susan!" he said. "Now come with us. To the meadow's end!"

This time, each of her siblings grabbed a hand and pulled her along.

They did not go far. Just over a small rise in the ground, they could see a low table set up with tree stumps for stools. "Oh, Aslan..." Susan muttered, almost afraid to go on. Peter sat at the table, looking as she had seen him at twenty-five in the Golden Age, handsome and royal. Caspian was seated next to him-or at least, she thought it was Caspian. He looked older than last she'd seen him, and there was a more somber air about him. Reepicheep the mouse was the last occupant, looking as proud and foolhardy as ever.

"Don't be frightened, Su," Edmund said, pulling her forward. "He's been as eager to see you as we have. Peter!"

Peter looked up at the call, distracted from whatever conversation they had been holding. He broke out into a joyous grin when he saw Susan, rising from the table so quickly that he knocked over his stool. "Susan!" he cried, sprinting towards the three of them and wrapping his arms around her before she could say a word. "Susan, how we've missed you!"

Susan could do no more than laugh. Peter began babbling about nothing in particular, and he was switching subjects so fast she could hardly keep up. "Give her room to breathe, Peter," came Caspian's crisp voice. A hand fell on his shoulder and Susan found Peter being forced away by the Telmarine king, who was suddenly shaking her hand rather vigorously. "Oh, but it's good to have you back, Your Gentleness. We were wondering when you were going to show up in our corner of the world again."

"Susan!" Rough screeches suddenly erupted in the air and all looked overhead to find a bluejay flying forward to land on Susan's shoulder. "I've missed you so much!"

"Primplefeather!" she cried. A picture rose into her mind unbidden-a blue, white, and black feather mask, expertly crafted, lined in red and gold thread in celebration of Aslan and Christmas, pushed to the bottom of a hope chest in a royal bedchamber while its owner puzzled over a cryptic utterence of the Lion himself-but she pushed it aside and planted a kiss on the jay's head. "I've missed you, too!"

"There are more, thousands more, to meet you," Peter said, taking the lead. "But you need to see a few specific faces first."

"Peter, there's something I don't understand," she said before he could take her hand. "Why are you so much older than Lucy and Edmund?"

"Who said he was?" asked Edmund himself, grinning. Susan blinked and looked him up and down. He was suddenly the king she remembered from the Golden Age too, and not some ancient legend going home again. Lucy giggled, making Susan turn and stare. She was eighteen and invincible again, the Valiant queen to the last. Susan's brow furrowed and she groaned. "I think I'm going to get a headache," she muttered, inciting more laughter all around.

"Come on," Peter insisted. He led the procession to the place where the meadow met woods.

"When you said specific faces, who exactly did you have in mind?" Susan asked, glad that the larger number had taken a more gentle pace than Lucy and Edmund. An eighty-two-year-old body did not work the same way as a twenty-year-old body.

"Well, you'll see the Professor and Aunt Polly later," Peter answered.

"Mostly just Aslan and Rog," Edmund said thoughtfully.

Susan's breath caught. She stopped, unable to move another step. "Roger?"

"Well of course," Peter said, looking confused at the idea of not seeing her husband. "Don't you want to see him?"

"More than almost anything," she breathed.

"Well then, you'll see him," said Lucy.

"Where? When?"

"Soon."

They rushed through the woods and soon broke out into another meadow even lovlier than the last, this one with a river winding its way through the grass. Susan's breath caught. Standing nonchalantly with his back to the group and his hands in his pockets was a tall young man with bright red hair. She immediately knew it was Roger.

"Hey, Roger!" Peter called, sprinting ahead to meet the man by the river. "Roger, she's here!"

Roger turned around-he looked exactly as he had when he proposed to her. She watched his face open in joy and was soon swept up into his arms once again. "Oh, my Susan, my Queen, how I've missed you!" he said, cradling her. She could say nothing, only weep into his shoulder in happiness.

A hush fell over the bubbling crowd. Soft, padded footsteps could be heard and the group parted. Roger slipped out of Susan's grip, always staying within reach, and fixed his gaze on something behind her. Susan swallowed, turned, and knelt.

"Susan Pevensie," said Aslan's silky voice. "Hello, my daughter."

"Aslan," Susan whispered, scarcely able to breathe.

"You turned away from me, once."

"It was the worst years of my life. I am so, so sorry that I did not understand Your words."

"I know." The sweet smell of his mane filled her nose, making her dizzy. "And you made up for it. You exchanged your mask for a crown again. You are welcome in My Country, O Gentle Queen."

The crowd erupted into gales of laughter and cheering. Susan felt as if all her old weariness had vanished, and when she stood she was once again the same young maiden that had worn a blue feathered mask at a Christmas dance. With a laugh of thanks, she embraced Aslan and ran to join her family and friends.

This time, there was no mask.

* * *

**Over at last, and in my personal opinion, this ending was bad. Your mileage may vary, but I did not like it, even though that's the way it wanted to end. You can also expect the first chapter of Graced to be up in about fifteen minutes. Thank you to all my wonderful, wonderful reviewers! This is my first real story on and I was stunned at how nice and just plain amazing you guys are. I wish I had the time or patience to name everyone who reviewed, but that would take forever and I have more things to write!  
**

**Like I said, I'm starting Graced of Aslan tonight, but unfortunately, I wouldn't expect very reliable updates for a while. For starters, next week begins Kill The Students As Fast As You Can Month in which all my teachers and organizations plan EVERYTHING at the same time. I have tests, ACT prep, play practice, concerts, and choir and solo/ensemble contest as well as a sudden burst of calculus homework. Another thing being that while I know where I want Graced to go, I'm not quite sure how it's going to get there. I'm nearly done with the second chapter and I have lots of outlining done, but still a lot left to do. Scenes will continue as often as I can manage.**

**Long monologue short, you guys are awesome, I'm behind in everything, the writing will go on, and it rains in the spring. Some things are just meant to be. :)**

**~Feste**


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